Monday, January 25, 2010

Gifted

My son was tested and labeled "gifted and talented" before he entered kindergarten. He could identify the alphabet at 2, sit and draw for hours, and by 5 had some really nice critical thinking skills. He has won many writing contests in school. He is currently, as a junior, taking advanced physics and calculus. The kid is bright and good at school. So was/am I, frankly. I tried to instill the value of education. It was always an expectation that schoolwork was not only done but done well. I am a teacher, and my home was a place where learning could and would happen.

Somewhere in his sophomore year random absences started popping up. Then, after he got his license, there were many more. One day I caught him out driving at his lunch time with his girlfriend. He told me, with a completely straight face, that he was allowed to leave for lunch. I called his school counselor (who I knew personally) right away. The counselor said that my son knew absolutely that this was not allowed, and not only that but that he had to have some way of getting out of the parking lot that was false as there was a security guard. The counselor explained that this type of behavior was not something he usually saw at that age - the kids usually waited for that blatant disregard until late in their junior year.

This was just one of the ways in which I saw my boy slipping away.

He has since confided to me that he parked in the teacher's parking lot because no one checked on you if you were leaving; they assumed you were a teacher. So, he came and went as he pleased. He was very proud of himself for being so "ingenious."

I would really like to invite anyone who feels that they can relate to what I am saying to respond.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Waiting for My Child

I got surprised Thursday night with tickets to see Patty Griffin. She played a beautiful song that will appear on her upcoming album called "Waiting for My Child." In tears, I was thinking about the parts I identified with, and also how I differed. I am waiting for my child to come home. And yet, I am in a place where I feel strong; strong(ly) about the behaviors I will and will not accept, strong(ly) about my love for my son, strong(ly) about my own serenity, and strong as a woman and a mother. I want my child to come home spiritually and behaviorally as much, if not more, than I want him to come home physically. Some may say I have abandoned him in ways, yet I feel that I am continuing to parent him. I am teaching him how to treat me, himself, others. I am here, waiting.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

How did I get here?

I never thought the day would come. I knew the teen years would be difficult. He was such a good kid all along. I read the right books, went to the right classes, did the right things. Spanking wasn't part of my discipline system; natural and firm consequences were. Once when he got mischievous at an after school program and flooded the toilets in the place, I had him work with the custodian for two weeks cleaning everyday instead of playing with the other kids. We were very close. We wrote poetry together and performed it at church for Mother's Day. At the same time, he was his own boy - very interested and talented in sports.

So, the way things are right now is such a shock to me.

Monday, January 18, 2010

I Have a Dream

So, I am a mom. I am not married. My son, who is now seventeen and still in high school, has moved out. I raised him his whole life.

There was much that went into how this all came about, and there is much that is still going on.

I recently looked up statistics of percentages of this occurring (teen boys of single moms leave home for one reason or another prior to graduating high school). Although I have heard tons of personal stories, I could find very little data.

Additionally, I have experienced beautiful and loving support and understanding from many people. However, I have also experienced severe judgement from others.

I would like to know if you are in my situation. I would like to know if you have done research on this. I would like to tell my story. I would like your support. I would like to support you. That is what this blog is about.